Managing Stress for Teens

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NEGATIVE PEER PRESSURE

Negative peer pressure occurs when other youth coerce you to do something with negative consequences like taking drugs, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, watching pornography,  having premarital sex or committing crimes such as stealing or burning school property.

They can apply the pressure by asking you to prove yourself by doing something.

E.g. “If you really love me, let’s do this” or “If you are a real man/lady do it”. Know that this is the tactic the devil used to tempt Jesus for he said, If You are the Son of God, do … (Matt 4:3, 6) Resist the pressure by living to please God like Jesus and you won’t be pressured into sin by the need to please others or prove yourself to them.

Peers can also negatively pressurize you by boasting that they have done that activity even if they haven’t. They brag to make you feel inexperienced for not having done it.

If they brag about engaging in negative activities to make you feel inferior, feel superior for not having succumbed to the negativity.

Peers can also pressure you verbally with insults.

E.g. They may call you “chicken” or “coward” for refusing to engage in negative activities.

If they do so, ignore them, for their insults won’t land you in a mortuary, hospital or jail.

Peers can apply pressurize with sugary words.

E.g. They may tell you that you are very beautiful or that they love you very much and want to demonstrate their strong love for you.

If they use flattery, remind yourself of the bitter consequences of their sweet words.

Peers can also pressurize you with lies about the consequences of those activities.

E.g. They may say, “It’s a safe drug” or “Once won’t hurt”.

Read the chapters on Alcohol, Cigarettes, Drugs, Stopping Sexual Sin and Crime so that you won’t believe their lies.

Peers can also pressure you with their actions by performing the negative behavior e.g. smoking in your presence to lure you to engage in it as well.

However, If sinners entice you, do not consent (Prov 1:10) Leave immediately they begin doing so.

Peers can also pressure you by giving you gifts.

E.g. They may buy you chocolates or clothes and then insist you to engage in premarital sex as your way of thanking them.

If they spend money on you, spend some on them too or split the bills. If you don’t have money to spend on them, then refuse their gifts.

In addition, know that pressurizers can be very persistent and exposing yourself to their persistent pressure can break you.

Learn from Samson who was destroyed after Delilah Pestered him daily with her words and pressed him, so that his soul was vexed to death, that he told her all his heart (Judg 16:16) She then acted quickly and reduced the strongest man in the land to a blind grinder in the prison.

So avoid all negative peers so that they don’t break you and help you mess your life.

Understand also, that even as a teenager, you can resist negative pressure from adults. Learn from Daniel’s 3 friends who refused to buckle to the king’s negative pressure and bow down to his idol even after he threatened to throw them into a flaming furnace.

For Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king,

“O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image you which you have set up.” (Dan 3:16-18)

Likewise, you can say to the adults who are negatively pressurizing you, “I will not steal or smoke or engage in premarital sex or any other negative behavior because God does not want me to do so.” Then leave the situation.

If you can’t leave the situation physically, leave it mentally by praying. If you have to suffer dire consequences know that God will help you as He helped the 3 friends for the King said I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God. (Dan 3:25)

Finally, don’t negatively pressurize your peers for Whoever causes the upright to go astray in an evil way, he himself will fall into his own pit . (Prov 28:10)

Don’t mislead even those younger than you for Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone was hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. (Matt 18:6)

POSITIVE PEER PRESSURE

Positive peer pressure occurs when other youth compel you to do things with positive outcomes like passing exams or abstaining from sex.

Spend time with friends who exert positive pressure on you with their actions or words so that you can resist negative peer pressure.

To differentiate positive from negative pressure and help you decide if you should succumb or resist it, listen to your parents and teachers and read one chapter of your Bible every day so that you can know what God would like you to do in each and every situation.

In addition, exert positive pressure to teens who are sliding into the destruction of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and premarital sex for you are to Deliver those who are drawn to death, and hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.

If you say, “Surely we did not know this,” does not He who weighs the hearts consider it?

He who keeps your soul, does He not know it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds? (Prov 24:11-12)

Therefore, since God is watching and He knows when you can do something to help someone without endangering your own life, ask Him to guide you as you help at risk teens.

TRUE AND FALSE FRIENDS

The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Prov 12:26)

So choose friends who believe in Jesus Christ and Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?

And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial?

Or what part a believer with an unbeliever?

And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?

For you are the temple of the living God. (2 Cor 6:14-16)

So choose your friends carefully and learn from David and Jonathan who are the perfect example of true friendship.

Jonathan was a faithful friend for when David’s life was in danger, Jonathan told David, saying, “My father Saul seeks to kill you. Therefore please be on your guard.” (1 Sam 19:2)

Then Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father (1 Sam 19:4) and King Saul said he would not kill David.

King Saul later changed his mind but Jonathan helped David again for he said, “If it pleases my father to do you evil, then I will report it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. (1 Sam 20:13)

Jonathan then went and asked King Saul what David had done that he deserved to die and Saul cast a spear at him to kill him, by which Jonathan knew that it was determined by his father to kill David. (1 Sam 20:33) He then went and warned David using the secret code they had developed and David left the city.

David also proved to be a faithful friend to Jonathan for after Jonathan and his father Saul had died David said, “Is there still anyone who is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” (2 Sam 9:1)

They then brought Mephibosheth, who was disabled, to him and David said to him,  “Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually. (2 Sam 9:7)

Thus David and Jonathan teach us that true friendships does not end with death for your true friends will take care of your interests after you die just as they took care of you when you were alive. Therefore, Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend (Prov 27:10)

Their friendship also teaches us that Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint. (Prov 25:19) For if David had relied on an unfaithful friend when King Saul was trying to kill him, he may have died.

So identify your true friends early so that when you get in trouble, you will know who to rely on. Do not depend on false friends as trying to walk out of a problem with their help is like trying to walk on a dislocated leg that slows your progress and causes you severe pain every step you take.

To differentiate your true friends from the false ones, heed the Bible which says:

A friend loves at all times (Prov 17:17) True friends will be with you during the good times and the bad times when you have problems. Jonathan stuck with David when he was a hero and when he was hiding in the field for his life.

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov 18:24) True friends will help you even when your brothers and sisters cannot help you. Jonathan helped David even when his own brothers were not there to help him.

A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. (Prov 11:13) A true friend won’t divulge your secrets. Jonathan didn’t disclose David’s hiding place.

The sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel. (Prov 27:9) True friends give you good advice. Listen to it even if it hurts for Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. (Prov 27:6) False friends butter you with lies Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. (Prov 20:19)

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friends. (Prov 27:17) True friends enlighten you for He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. (Prov 13:20) So pick friends who don’t spread rumors or make fun of doing the wrong thing for Whoever spreads slander is a fool(Prov 10:18) and Fools mock at sin (Prov 14:9).

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